My first introspective post. I generally make observations about things around me, but somehow I wanted to write about this. I wanted to think out loud about what I have been doing and what I should do.
Let's get started then, shall we?
If you ask my colleagues or my friends from college to describe me in one word, you might hear many things but 'short tempered' will not figure in that list. Primarily because 'short tempered' is two words (Sorry :P) but yes, as my frivolity suggests, I do not come across as an "angry young man."
Ask my parents and they will tell you about my temper. When I was a kid, I tore a 100 rupee note in anger. I have broken various articles of my house and on one occasion even tore my dad's train ticket. This was when I was immature. Nothing changed till I was in 12th standard. I used to hit my brother and screamed a lot at people. I often asked my parents for a punching bag as a gift, but they feared I would fling it at my brother. I used to punch walls instead.
So what caused the transformation, you ask me? Who said that I transformed? I believe that people do not change. They merely adapt. Sometimes they adapt extremely well, but deep inside, they are the same person.
So what made me adapt? I joined college and stayed in a hostel. There I learnt the meaning of the word tolerance. I realized that not everyone was like me. I tried to understand their point of view. If I still couldn't, I distanced myself from them. In the process, I surprised myself by not reacting to things that would have otherwise enraged me.
That went on for a while until, say, a year back. I never lost my cool and never let anger get the better of me. The last one year has been tough thanks to work and the irritating people that I have been around. I have been extremely calm and have simply walked out if necessary. Now I am scared as it has been ages since I have blown my fuse. I am afraid that all my feelings are getting bottled up and one fine day, the volcano might erupt. You may not be able to understand this, but I am extremely angry at the fact that I'm not getting angry. Contradictory, right? Off late, more often than not, I am angry at myself. I am angry that I do not give it back to the person. I could have easily screamed or thrown a punch at them but I somehow don't want to. So I ask myself, 'what should I do?' My anger has risen only because I place my expectations on the wrong people. So do I stop expecting things from people? I honestly don't know what to do about this, but this is the first time, I have expressed myself. I do not expect anything from the reader of this post. Thanks for patiently reading what was inside my head. I have identified the problem, and I shall strive to find the solution. There is a chance, you were misled into reading this post thanks to its title. I shall not disappoint you. Here's one way to control your anger- when you are furious at someone or something, go look into the mirror. You will find this fuming buffoon staring at you. In about 3 seconds, you should start smiling, if not laughing. Works for me.
